Wednesday, November 4, 2015

ABCs of Adoption: D is for Doubt

Doubting decisions is common, some people may be more prone to second guessing decisions than others.   For parents I think this is even more common.   One thing that many adoptive families don't talk about are the doubts they have about whether they made the right decision to adopt and whether the child is the right one for them.   

This is hard to say but there was a time during the process that we weren't sure whether we were making the right decision.  We were open and honest with our team about what was going on, we spoke to our counselors about it and we asked to delay setting a date for the finalization.   

It turns out that these types of doubts are common in adoption.   In some cases it can lead to a disrupted placement, this usually happens when the adoptive parents don't tell anybody about the doubts they are feeling.   In our case we shared our concerns and were made to feel like this is normal, we were offered help and we moved forward.   

The doubts still exist, especially in the face of the challenges we are facing at school.   Did we make the right decision moving to Seattle, should we have left him in his neighborhood school here, can we help junior manage his PTSD.  I try to be optimistic but at times it is hard and I feel defeated.   Will I give up, no.  I need to learn to be better about sharing my doubts and fears with others as I know I am not alone, but sometimes that isn't the easiest thing to do.    

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