Saturday, February 14, 2015

Deep Thoughts From a 6 Year Old

It isn't always easy to tell what Jr is thinking or feeling.   The little guy has been through quite a bit in his short life and we will likely never know all of the details.   He doesn't necessarily understand what has happened to him and why he has had to live in so many homes.  

Tonight after dinner he was coloring and decided to draw a picture of me.   I think this looks just like me.

After he drew the picture I asked him if he wanted to write a story about the picture.  This is what he dictated to me:

"This is mommy playing with me and we are playing, rock, paper, scissors, shoot.  Well, it is hard to choose which family to be in.  And it's also hard to not understand and forget about stuff.  So that's why I live with my family.  I love them very much."

He then decided to write another note.  This one he wrote on his own with constant questions of "how do you spell ...":

"Well it is not easy to be a boy, but that is not all there is.   One more thing, there is my loving family.  Now it is easy to be a boy. "

It was very difficult not to start crying as I wrote and read these stories.   He is starting to open up which is great but part of me is scared for him to start sharing some of the stories from his past.  It isn't going to be easy to hear and I worry that we will say the wrong thing as he starts to open up.

Monday, February 9, 2015

A is for Attachment, Anxiety and Arrrrrggggghhhhhh

Junior is definitely attaching to us but with that comes separation anxiety and frustration.  For every step forward there seems to be two or three steps backwards    Looking at things a different way these are all positives.  

With my new job I have meetings that start at 7 AM which means I am leaving the house at 6:15.  It is the most heartbreaking thing to see junior standing in the garage door as I back out as he didn't wake up in time to have breakfast with me.   Yes, he has been trying to get up to have breakfast with me so he can have "mommy time."   Should he be getting up at 6 AM - NO!  The days I wake him up to take him to school he is so excited.   It is crazy to see him jump out of bed,  get dressed and ready within a 5 minute period if it means he can spend a few more minutes with me in the morning.  

On the flip side of things the more he attaches the more he pulls away and pushes the boundaries.   Poor Paddy has felt the brunt of things as Jr seems to be seeing what buttons he can push with the dog.   Part of this I feel is junior trying to figure out what he can do for us to tell him he has to leave, as this has been the norm for him.  

We have had to put in consequences  for when he starts harassing Paddy.  Today I think we saw some progress on this front.   We have told Jr that he gets a time out for every time we tell him to leave the dog alone and he doesn't.    Paddy has been snarling periodically at Jr when she has had enough, Jr sadly hasn't reacted to this   Jr has had a couple of timeouts which may have taught him a lesson.  Tonight Jr walked up to Paddy as she was eating, Paddy snarled and Jr walked away.   This is a huge change, normally Paddy would snarl and Jr would continue to bother her.  

For every step forward there are steps backwards and adjustments that need to be made, but this is to be expected