Thursday, October 29, 2015

The Dark Side

There is a dark side to adoption that I talk about at times but not often.   We are currently experiencing one of those periods and are feeling deflated and thinking that moving was the worse thing we could have done for junior.   As a parent that is a horrible feeling to have.   We want to help him but just don’t know how. 

School has become a major trigger for Jr and a nightmare for us.  He has a diagnosis of PTSD and in all environments except his current school he is fine.  For some reason school is triggering him and he is deteriorating.   We have come to the decision that we can’t continue to send him to school as he isn’t safe there.   I don’t know what we are going to do but when I got the call today that he ran out of the school and almost got hit by a car we knew that there is no way we can send him back there. 

First I want to say that I don’t fault the staff at the school, they have been very supportive but there have been extenuating circumstances in his classroom – within 6 weeks he has had 3 different teachers.

PTSD isn’t the worst diagnosis in the world but there is no easy cure for it.  Not that there is an easy cure for other diagnoses.   I am so thankful we have a support system in place to help us navigate this but that doesn’t make it easier if he doesn’t talk about what is happening.   I am so thankful that he shows remorse and trusts new adults that have entered his life with the move, like his new counselor and our new nanny.   He is sharing information with them and us which is huge but it hasn’t lead to an answer for any of us.   We have a pediatrician that specializes in adoption and when I called them today to get an appointment they found a time earlier than what was originally suggested by the front desk and at the asked what they can do to support us in the next week before his appointment.  

I was travelling for work this week which isn’t unusual but it does make it so much harder.   When my manager heard what was happening she asked me why I hadn’t gone home immediately.   And no the behaviors aren’t occurring just because I was gone –it started last week.   We have hired a fabulous nanny/family assistant and junior has bonded with her and she has been a savior this week.  I hope she isn’t scared off by this turn of events. 

We knew that moving wasn’t going to be easy, it is just horrible to feel like this is the worst decision we could have made.   Yes it is what is best for our family in the long term and I know that, yet I can’t stop that little voice in my head that is telling me if we stayed in Colorado he would be better.   Many people we talked to said that the move might be really good for junior as it gave him a fresh start – little did we know we were walking into a land mine at school.  

I don’t know where we go from here – home schooling, private school, or something else. 


Christine Shaaban said...

I am so sorry to read about your current situation. How heartbreaking and frustrating this must be. I think moving can cause huge problems for any family and children with much less severe issues than Jr. No surprise you feel torn about the move now but clearly something else could have happened back in Colorado triggering similar problems.
You never know.

I am sure you will find a solution and it will all work out for the best.
I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.

Weeza said...

Dawn, so sorry to hear these challenges you and Dave are facing, but you've both got the most powerful helper on your side, love... I know from experience with my nephew, of challenging behaviour from a mental health perspective, and it is hard, there is no immediate cure, but the love you give does help enormously.
Thinking of you all xx