Thursday, September 4, 2014

Emotional Roller Coaster

I realize it has been a while since I've posted and when two people mentioned that to me I decided it was time to provide a little update.   The last 6 weeks have been a bit of an emotional roller coaster for me and this has very little to do with the adoption.    Things have been pretty status quo there and I have learned to be patient and not let it get to me, at least I thought I was, but I'm getting ahead of myself here.

Over the last couple of months I decided it was time for me to move on from the company I have worked at for almost a decade.  I knew when we moved to Colorado that my career advancement opportunities were limited and after a lot of discussions with Dave we decided not to wait until things moved forward on the adoption front and to start searching for a new job.  Searching for a new job is stressful.   I am very fortunate that the right job came along.  It is a step up career wise which is great and very close to home which is better.

I have enjoyed working from home but I find myself getting lonely.  Days will go by and I haven't left the house or spoken to other people aside from Dave, and he doesn't always want to hear me babble.   I miss the social aspect of working in an office.  The downside of working in an office is I won't have these two to keep me company.

I am sure they will adjust.  

The other big development over the last couple of weeks is having to deal with medical issues.   At the beginning of the month I attended our annual customer and partner conference where I had to present.  This is fairly normal for me and this trip marked the end of about 3 weeks of business trips. On the day last day when I was presenting I wasn't feeling well and just chalked it up to exhaustion.  As I was finishing my last session things got considerably worse and the only thing going through my mind was there is only 5 minutes left in the presentation - DON'T PASS OUT.   There is nothing worse than presenting while you are experiencing chest pains, sweating, and shortness of breath.

I thought sitting down after my sessions would make things better - it didn't.  In the end I called a coworker over and was rushed to the ER.  Not the way I wanted the conference to end.   Good news I didn't have a heart attack - which is what I thought was happening.  Bad news I missed my flight home, and a Cubs game with the family.

Over the next couple of weeks I was back and forth to the doctor and cardiologist trying to figure out what went was wrong with me.   During this time I did very little but sleep and work.   Everything was A-OK with my heart in the end they gave me a diagnosis of anxiety and I  have been on Celexa for the last two weeks.

While I thought I was handling all the uncertainty around the adoption and the job search well I guess my body thought otherwise.  It appears you can have anxiety without actually feeling anxious or panicky.   I am happy to say that I once again feel normal and am starting to get back into a normal schedule.  Of course all this changes in 11 days when I start my new job.

In the meantime, next week I have a week of "Dawn Time" to relax and unwind.  Dave is off on a business trip so this may be the last week I get all to myself.  

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