Making Progress Towards Finalization

There is so much to do before we finalize the adoption but we crossed the final barriers today.   We had to be re-fingerprinted in case we have suddenly appeared on the FBI's most wanted list in the past 9 months and we had our subsidy hearing.

I wasn't even aware that there is an ongoing subsidy.  The hearing was to negotiate and determine how much assistance we would get for long term support for Junior's needs.  Some foster kids get classified as Title IV-E which is a federal program, not all foster kids are eligible for this.  One major benefit of this classification is the ability for tuition assistance at a number of colleges should Junior decide to go.  I was really hoping for this and we did end up in this program.  

When asked what we need ongoing assistance with we stated continued therapy, education and respite care.  I thought the respite care would be tricky but I was honestly surprised when we were given a monthly stipend for respite care on a monthly basis.  It is use it or lose it and we need to provide documentation for reimbursement but this is huge.   There is no restriction on how the money can be used if we want to pay a baby sitter for a date night, or a gift card for a friend that watches junior overnight, or if a grandparent wants to take junior golfing for an afternoon all of this can be covered  with our respite stipend.  We will get all the paperwork after finalization.

Overall I was very pleased with the way the meeting went.  Now we just have to wait until August 6th.  You have to wait 120 hours after the subsidy hearing occurs to finalize an adoption and with Dave travelling back and forth between Denver and Seattle we have to wait until his next trip back to Denver.  

The other big decision that was made today is we finally have agreed upon a middle name for Junior.  We told him he could keep his middle name or change it.  This has resulted in him suggesting all kinds of strange names like Cubby or Zebra.   We vetoed those and have reached a decision that we are all very happy with.

400th Post

What a milestone!  In some way it is hard to believe that I have managed to come up with that many unique things to say.  But then again this blog has served multiple purposes and has been in existence for 7.5 years.

I've tried to think of something monumental to write about for this post but then life happened and came up with something for me.  This blog has seen me through multiple moves London to Seattle to Denver and now another move is on the horizon for us.  Back to Seattle.  

After only 2 short years in Denver it is sad to be leaving but after some long hard discussions we have come to the decision that this is what is best for our family.  

I have never had some grand master plan for my life. I take opportunities as they have been presented to me and every decision I have made has brought me to where I am today.   I believe that if I had taken a different path in the past my life today would be very different.

• If I stayed teaching in NY instead of moving to Boston I wouldn't have had an amazing career that would move me to London and then Seattle.  Not to mention the great friends I have made along the way. 
• If I hadn't agreed to a blind date I wouldn't have met Dave and gone on many adventures with him.  
• And finally if we hadn't moved to Denver we wouldn't have junior.  I whole heartedly believe that we were meant to move to Denver to find Junior and make him a part of our family.  

We are all excited to be moving and starting this next chapter in our lives.   We will be finalizing the adoption before we move and will be making a fresh start in Seattle.   Tonight junior made a comment that this is the first time he will be moving as a family.  Previously all of his moves have been him leaving a family, this time and every time from now on he moves with his entire family. 

Happy Birthmother's Day

The day before Mother's Day is not a nationally recognized holiday but it is a day that adoptive families celebrate as Birthmother's Day.   It is a special day to honor and remember the mom's who chose to make an adoption plan for their child or those who had right's terminated by the courts.

Junior's birthmom will always have a place in our family even though we have no contact with her and she has no idea who we are.   She is incredibly important to him and we try and reinforce this whenever he mentions her and let him know how lucky he is to have two moms who love him.

Last week we told junior we wanted to do something special for his birthmom on Saturday and gave him a couple of options.  Today he decided he wanted to buy a balloon for her and attach a picture to it.  He drew a picture and we went to pick out a balloon for his birth mom.  

We then went outside, he hugged the balloon and attempted to let it go.   Sadly with the rain, the cold air and the weight of the picture the balloon did not want to go.   We tried multiple times and laughed as it refused to float away.  I honestly think this helped as it added a bit of humor to the situation when he was feeling rather sad.  The balloon came inside with us and still wouldn't float, after about 5 minutes we noticed it had floated to the ceiling so junior decided to try one more time.

This time the balloon floated away!   Junior was thrilled,watching him jump up and down made my heart melt.  I wonder if we hadn't had the mishaps earlier if the balloon floating away would have ended in tears instead of laughter.   I plan on putting the pictures taken today in an album and adding to it each year for him as a way to remember and honor his birth mom.  If at some point down the road he reconnects with her he can share this with her.

Ridiculous reasons I am looking forward to finalization

I am not so secretly hoping that next week when we meet with our team we can set a date for finalization.  There are many reasons why finalization is going to be great, here are some of the petty ridiculous ones.

1. Reduction in paperwork.
2. Being able to share pictures on social media of our family.
3. Junior can go on sleepovers.
4. No longer needing to get permission to travel.
5. Not being called Mrs. Junior's last name.

Six Months In

Yesterday marked the six month mark   Crazy how quickly time flew by.  The last 6 months have been filled with laughter, tears and frustration.   It was while we were meeting with our family counselor that I realized the milestone.  During the session our therapist was telling us how far junior has come and that he seems to be doing really well.  Some days I feel like we are on the right track while other days I wonder how I am going to get through the day.   Being told to keep doing what we are doing as it is working was so gratifying to hear.  

This morning I then came across this article on Huffington Post  that really resonated with me and I wanted to share it with you.   Each adoption journey is different but there are definitely some similarities with all stories.   We have to learn to learn as we go  and try and do what we think is best for junior to feel more like part of our family.

Funny How Things Happen

On Easter two years ago Dave decided to travel to Denver to spend the weekend skiing with his family.  I stayed in Seattle and co-hosted an Easter Egg Hunt for about 20 adults.   Fast forward two years and we are now living in Denver and will be hosting an Easter Egg hunt for our son and his cousins.

I don't think either of us thought that weekend would result in our moving to Colorado but it somehow did.   We started talking about how it would be nice for our future child to live near family, looking at where we had family Denver seemed like a logical choice.   Little did we know how quickly things would fall into place.   We figured it would take a year or so for Dave to find the right position as there was really only 1 hospital he could go to work for.   As luck would have it, the position he wanted had just been posted.   Two months later we packed up and left Seattle for Denver.

If we hadn't moved we would have junior.  Would we have a child today through foster to adopt - who knows?  But I do know that if we did it would be junior.   That fateful Easter two years ago started the wheels turning to end up where we are today and I am incredibly thankful for that.  Sitting in the back yard watching Dave throw the football around with junior while Paddy chews sticks seems pretty perfect to me.

It was bound to happen sooner or later

Based on the suggestion of junior's therapist we gave him a photo of his birth mom over the weekend.   This was a tough thing to do as we weren't sure how to react and whether or not it would cause a regression in behaviors.   I decided to give it to him at night in case there was a melt down he could then go right to bed and it wouldn't be an all day issue.  

As I expected he got very sad and emotional when he saw the photo but bed time was not a disaster.   He did cry and say that he missed his mom and then it happened.  I heard for the first time "You're not my real mom."   I knew this day would come and those words would be uttered but I just didn't know when it would happen.   I honestly expected it to be when he was angry with us, not just upset and missing his birth mom.   I imagine I will hear this many more times over the years and I will have to learn how to respond.   I do not remember what exactly I said to him in the moment, I did try my best to acknowledge his feelings and let him know that it is perfectly normal to miss his mom.   

We do have more photos but I need to get them scanned into digital format before I hand them over.   I have heard horror stories about kids destroying the only copy of photos that existed and I do not want that to happen.  Should a photo get destroyed we will definitely have a back up.   For now he seems happy with the 1 photo he has.