Not the sort of title you would expect to see on a blog about our adoption journey, I'm just trying to keep things exciting here. Actually, this is how our case worker refers to the second home study visit. We each had to fill out a questionnaire about our experiences with drugs, alcohol, mental disorders and the like. While we answered the questions we had to sit in the same room but couldn't speak to one another. Then we were separated and interviewed individually about our answers, our families and what we want out of life.
We were warned going into this meeting to make sure we had discussed any potential skeletons in our closets with each other, as if there were any surprises the meeting would have to end to give us a chance to talk to one another. Thankfully we are both very boring people and there weren't any surprises.
It was rather strange reliving events from my childhood and adolescence and trying to describe what life was like when I was 8. Luckily the next meeting is about easy, modern topics like our relationship and the safety inspection of our house. This appointment needs to wait though until our house is no longer a construction zone, hopefully this milestone is reached by mid-March.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Book Review
I've been doing a lot of reading lately on adoption. There are so many books out there some are good and some are not so good, which is the case for any subject. Since there are so many different types of adoption finding good relevant books can be a bit challenging. Sadly it doesn't seem like there are as many books dedicated on adopting older children or adopting through foster care. Many seem to focus on international and newborn adoption. While there are some similarities attaching to a newborn is very different than forming attachment with a 6 year old.
Here is a brief overview of the books I have read so far and my thoughts on them.
In on It: What Adoptive Parents Would like you to Know About Adoption
This book is intended for family and friends of adoptive parents yet I found it a very useful starting point. There was lots of helpful advice and anecdotes on what can be expected throughout the process and the first few years. It was a very short easy to read book and I would definitely recommend that both adoptive parents and their extended families read this book.
Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew
I purchased this as it was recommended by Amazon as a book that is bought along with In On It. I should have done more research before purchasing this. I wasn't able to get through the book. The overall tone was very negative to me and it seemed like the author said that any negative or positive behavior exhibited by an adopted child is because they are adopted. There are some behaviors that are a normal part of child development whether a child is adopted or not, this book seemed to ignore that aspect. I am not delusional and I do realize there will be negative points along the way but focusing only on the negative aspects of adoption is not something I am willing to do, I want to look at the positive side of thing as well.
The Connected Child
Targeted toward the behavioral and emotional issues that can arise, especially in an older child adoption. At times I found the advice applicable for all parents and not just parents of adopted children This book provided great techniques on connecting to a child in appropriate ways based on their age and developmental level. Many of the techniques are probably best suited to children under 8, which was perfect for us. While there were some negative scenarios I did not find it nearly as negative as 20 things.
I have a pile of additional books to read, as I read them I will post additional reviews. Next on my list are Scream Free Parenting and Adopting Through Foster Care. If you have suggestions for books on adoption or parenting in general please share them.
Here is a brief overview of the books I have read so far and my thoughts on them.
In on It: What Adoptive Parents Would like you to Know About Adoption
This book is intended for family and friends of adoptive parents yet I found it a very useful starting point. There was lots of helpful advice and anecdotes on what can be expected throughout the process and the first few years. It was a very short easy to read book and I would definitely recommend that both adoptive parents and their extended families read this book.
Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew
I purchased this as it was recommended by Amazon as a book that is bought along with In On It. I should have done more research before purchasing this. I wasn't able to get through the book. The overall tone was very negative to me and it seemed like the author said that any negative or positive behavior exhibited by an adopted child is because they are adopted. There are some behaviors that are a normal part of child development whether a child is adopted or not, this book seemed to ignore that aspect. I am not delusional and I do realize there will be negative points along the way but focusing only on the negative aspects of adoption is not something I am willing to do, I want to look at the positive side of thing as well.
The Connected Child
Targeted toward the behavioral and emotional issues that can arise, especially in an older child adoption. At times I found the advice applicable for all parents and not just parents of adopted children This book provided great techniques on connecting to a child in appropriate ways based on their age and developmental level. Many of the techniques are probably best suited to children under 8, which was perfect for us. While there were some negative scenarios I did not find it nearly as negative as 20 things.
I have a pile of additional books to read, as I read them I will post additional reviews. Next on my list are Scream Free Parenting and Adopting Through Foster Care. If you have suggestions for books on adoption or parenting in general please share them.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Home Study Kicked Off
We had our first meeting with our social worker today which officially kicked off the home study. This was the easiest of the meetings lasting only about an hour. We received and reviewed all the documents in this giant binder.
This includes about 25 forms that we need to fill our and/ or sign as well as a bunch of articles we may find helpful. Some items need to be completed now and some are needed after a child is placed with us. A sampling of the items we need to fill out and sign:
- House rules - yes we have to create rules for the house.
- A plan drawing out the emergency evacuation route.
- A worksheet documenting every time a child is given medicine.
- Documentation that we are a tobacco free home.
- Consent that we will install an appropriate car seat/child carrier if needed.
In the packet was also a checklist of all the things we need to do to the house to pass the home inspection
- All alcohol has to be stored in a locked cabinet
- All medicine (even over the counter) has to be in a locked cabinet
- An escape ladder needs to be available on the second floor (not installed but available in case of an emergency)
- Emergency numbers and poison control information is posted by the phone.
- 5 pound fire extinguisher installed in a visible location.
There is lots to do to prepare the house for the inspection.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Planning Challenges
I'm a planner,I like to research and plan ahead as much as possible. Don't get me wrong, I like spontaneity as well but generally speaking I like to know what is happening. Heading into the adoption process there are so many unknowns and this makes it difficult to plan.
Lately we have been planning our summer vacation to Boston and Washington, DC, as well as a trip to
Coors Field to see the Cubs play the Rockies. By July or August it is possible that we will be matched and have our kid(s) placed with us so how do we plan for this. We have decided to buy 2 extra tickets to the Cubs vs Rockies game, if we haven't been matched then we will sell the tickets. Boston is a little more complicated as we have an entire day planned at Fenway park - tour of the park, lunch, batting practice, and a Cubs meet and greet. Buying 1 or 2 extra tickets that we may not need now is a little crazy so we are holding off on that for now. After we are approach the end of the home study process we may re-evaluate and purchase extra tickets for that as well.
In addition to travel we are stumped on how to plan for the arrival of the kid(s). When you are pregnant or adopting an infant, showers usually get thrown for the expectant parents and many items are purchased in advance - cribs, car seats, clothes, toys etc. You know that these items are needed so it is easy to purchase them in advance. We don't know what age our child(ren) will be, what they will need or even what gender they will be. This makes it difficult to start to purchase items in advance. All we can do is start saving money to be prepared to go on a massive shopping spree once we are matched. Part of me thinks it will be fun for to go shopping with our kid(s) to pick out a paint color or furniture for their room, but part of me thinks so much will be happening that it would be nice to have things set up ahead of time.
I know that everything will work out and all this worry may be for nothing. I have to learn to embrace the unknown and unexpected throughout this process.
Lately we have been planning our summer vacation to Boston and Washington, DC, as well as a trip to
In addition to travel we are stumped on how to plan for the arrival of the kid(s). When you are pregnant or adopting an infant, showers usually get thrown for the expectant parents and many items are purchased in advance - cribs, car seats, clothes, toys etc. You know that these items are needed so it is easy to purchase them in advance. We don't know what age our child(ren) will be, what they will need or even what gender they will be. This makes it difficult to start to purchase items in advance. All we can do is start saving money to be prepared to go on a massive shopping spree once we are matched. Part of me thinks it will be fun for to go shopping with our kid(s) to pick out a paint color or furniture for their room, but part of me thinks so much will be happening that it would be nice to have things set up ahead of time.
I know that everything will work out and all this worry may be for nothing. I have to learn to embrace the unknown and unexpected throughout this process.
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Frequent Questions
There always seem to be lots of questions when people find out we are adopting. I am happy to answer any question that people have. I might not have the answer or I might choose to say that is a private matter but if you have questions feel free to ask.
Some of the common questions we have received so far.
Are you adopting through the state or an agency?
We selected a private agency. In November we went to an informational night for our county and were told they were not taking applications for people wanting to adopt children under the age of 10. The main goal for children under 10 is reunification. We were directed to look into a private agency for adoption in the age range we wanted. While there are many private agencies many specialize in infant or international adoptions, we found one that has a program dedicated to foster to adopt. Thankfully at the orientation we both really like the social worker and program director, this made it an easy decision to pick the agency.
One of the added benefits of a private agency is they can work with every county in CO as well as other states, opening up more doors for us.
Why aren't you adopting an infant, you will miss all the important milestones like first steps, first words, etc?
It seems like there are so many children in need of a home, we did not feel a burning need to raise a child from infancy. While there are developmental milestones we will have missed there will be so many firsts to celebrate. Another consideration was my age, I would prefer not to have a child still in college when I retire.
Do you want a boy or girl?
I have no preference, Dave wants at least one boy as he is currently surrounded by girls (me, Paddy and Koda). If we only adopt 1 child it will be a boy, if we end up adopting a sibling pair (yes we are considering this) it will either be 2 boys or a boy and a girl.
How long will the process take?
Who knows. Based on the training we need to take and other factors we likely will not be licensed until the end of May at the earliest. After that point it could be a couple of weeks or over a year to be matched. It will all depend.
Some of the common questions we have received so far.
Are you adopting through the state or an agency?
We selected a private agency. In November we went to an informational night for our county and were told they were not taking applications for people wanting to adopt children under the age of 10. The main goal for children under 10 is reunification. We were directed to look into a private agency for adoption in the age range we wanted. While there are many private agencies many specialize in infant or international adoptions, we found one that has a program dedicated to foster to adopt. Thankfully at the orientation we both really like the social worker and program director, this made it an easy decision to pick the agency.
One of the added benefits of a private agency is they can work with every county in CO as well as other states, opening up more doors for us.
Why aren't you adopting an infant, you will miss all the important milestones like first steps, first words, etc?
It seems like there are so many children in need of a home, we did not feel a burning need to raise a child from infancy. While there are developmental milestones we will have missed there will be so many firsts to celebrate. Another consideration was my age, I would prefer not to have a child still in college when I retire.
Do you want a boy or girl?
I have no preference, Dave wants at least one boy as he is currently surrounded by girls (me, Paddy and Koda). If we only adopt 1 child it will be a boy, if we end up adopting a sibling pair (yes we are considering this) it will either be 2 boys or a boy and a girl.
How long will the process take?
Who knows. Based on the training we need to take and other factors we likely will not be licensed until the end of May at the earliest. After that point it could be a couple of weeks or over a year to be matched. It will all depend.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Adventures of a New Kind
This blog has served many purposes from chronicling my expat adventures, to an outlet for my photography (which has been neglected lately) and now it will serve yet another purpose - documenting our adoption journey. I started thinking about adopting about 4 years ago when I was single and wasn't dating. When I met Dave he agreed to come along for the ride.
This process is going to be anything but easy, if everybody that wanted to be a parent had to go through this process many people would change their mind. We are doing foster to adopt, I am not sure how different the process is for other types of adoptions. Here's what we have done and what we will be doing over the coming months.
Already Completed
Initial application, with this we had to provide 3 references, our tax returns from last year, and our employment history.
The second round of paperwork was much more involved. With this we needed to complete
This process is going to be anything but easy, if everybody that wanted to be a parent had to go through this process many people would change their mind. We are doing foster to adopt, I am not sure how different the process is for other types of adoptions. Here's what we have done and what we will be doing over the coming months.
Already Completed
Initial application, with this we had to provide 3 references, our tax returns from last year, and our employment history.
The second round of paperwork was much more involved. With this we needed to complete
- Fingerprints for federal background checks.
- State background check.
- Family medical background as well as a results from a current physical. The physical also required results from an HIV test.
- We each had to fill out a questionnaire about our childhood, relationship with our families, and our relationships with each other.
- A 60 question form about what characteristics we want or would accept form a child. Questions included questions such as would accept a child with learning disabilities, a child that harms animals, has nightmares or smokes.
- A notarized document indicating we understand and accept the fee structure.
The characteristics questionnaire was the strangest component for me. It makes it feel like we are shopping for a child like you would for a house or a car -creating a list of must haves, nice to haves and deal breakers. We kept thinking that some of the items didn't really apply giving the age range of 3-8 that we are looking for. I would really hope there aren't a lot of children in that age range that would smoke, drink or do drugs.
What's Next
Now that the second round of paperwork is being put in the mail this week the next steps will include
- Completing a first aid and CPR course
- A 6 week training course
- The home study
Once these are completed we will be officially licensed and can then begin the matching process. This by no means is going to be a quick and easy process, but it in the end it will be worth it.
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Europe: The Food and Drink Edition
As people saw the few pictures I posted to Facebook during our Europe trip I was asked "Are you just eating and drinking?" We did plenty besides that but I definitely enjoyed the food and beverages in Europe. |
| Add caption |
I was very excited to spend some time in London for curry, Nando's and cider (specifically Bulmers Pear cider). We treated ourselves one evening to dinner at Restaurant Gordon Ramsay. The service was great and I was surprised that all of the servers in the restaurant were male. I thoroughly enjoyed a pint of London Pride at my old local. 
Dave was not as thrilled with the beers in the majority of pubs we visited so we took a trip to Camden to go to Brew Dogs. They have amazing craft beers and are known for brewing one of the strongest beers, Tactical Nuclear Penguin. It was so good we bought 2 bottles to bring home with us.Bruges
 |
| Nasty tasting sour beer |
 |
| The best beer ever. |
 |
| Fries at the Fry Museum |
 |
| One of the specialties in Belgium |
 |
| Mid Morning Snack |
We had the best meal of the trip and possibly of the year in Paris, and we almost missed it. We got a little disoriented walking around and went the wrong direction looking for Les Cocottes, once we corrected the mistake and headed in the right direction all was good. Dave was ready to give up and go elsewhere convinced we would not be able to get in. We were there 15 minutes after they opened and within 15 minutes of our arrival the place was packed. We were incredibly lucky to get a seat and enjoy some amazing food. I am going to try to go back here when I go to Paris next week.We splurged once again in Marseilles with a visit to Passedat Petit Nice a Michelin starred restaurant. The restaurant is located in a turn of the century building, built into a cliff overlooking the Mediterranean. We arrived a little early and were seated outside to enjoy aperitifs and some yummy appetizers. This was thoroughly enjoyable. Sadly after we moved inside we were less than impressed with the food. .
 |
Random Food
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)